I’m a middle-aged pacifist – so why do Rishi Sunak and co want me to join the army?

Worried that coronavirus will destroy your job? The government’s careers advice service has some ridiculous alternatives for you

Rishi Sunak made quite a splash with the suggestion that musicians should retrain. Did the chancellor really say that? It was a little bit more circuitous, but close enough to justify an outpouring of rage. The rumour is that Sunak will be the leader next time the Conservatives present themselves to the country (having first cycled through Michael Gove, after Boris Johnson decides he has had enough). Sunak and his party should reflect on the fact that his moments of modest popularity are only when he is hosing money at people like a broken cash machine.

Musicians, meanwhile, were full of new career ideas: they would retrain as someone with rich parents; they would retrain as large outsourcing companies with no expertise in the arena of public health, and 10m quid would surely follow, which, hey, a few of them could share. On Tuesday, 400 of them made a heartrending point about their predicament by playing Holst’s Mars in Parliament Square. It was peerlessly beautiful. I could have cycled to see it live in 10 minutes, but, instead, I watched it on Twitter, and the realisation that I don’t deserve them made me love musicians even more.

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