Would you shop your neighbour? The rule of six will expose everyone’s true nature

Priti Patel will phone the police if her neighbours break the rule; Boris Johnson will do it if they are caught frolicking in a hot tub. Truth is, you’re either the kind of person who has a hotline to the authorities, or you’re not

Boris Johnson has advised us not to grass up our neighbours unless they are having an “Animal House party”. On the headlines, I was unclear whether the prime minister meant a party as large as the ones in Animal House, or a party to which many animals have been invited. Thank God, on this at least, he could clarify: “With hot tubs and so forth.” He is definitely talking about the US comedy film. The majority of animals hate getting wet.

It is a chilling insight into his thought process. “What are the proles doing for fun while we shoot grouse? I saw a film about this once: don’t they all get into outdoor baths and groom each other?”

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